Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
babies were throwing up all over the place
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Randomize
