I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
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getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
My liver just had a heart attack.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
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I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
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