Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Randomize
