I cut my penus on the lid.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Randomize
