You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
