Why does Corona taste like a burp?
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Randomize
