Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
