remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
Bring me that man meat
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Randomize
