There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
Randomize
