oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
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