I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
