i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
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