I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Randomize
