I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Randomize
