someone get that fucking seahorse.
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
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