Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
Randomize
