Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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