If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
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