I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
Randomize
