This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Randomize
