Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
