She said her name was "party"
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
Randomize
