ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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