I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
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