Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
Randomize
