no, he came in my armpit
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
Girls should come with a carfax report
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
