I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
