The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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