sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
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