I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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