I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
