you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
