I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
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