So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
There's even glitter on my cock...
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