so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
