if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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