it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Randomize