tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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