i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
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My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
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I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
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