If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
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