You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
The best revenge is premature balding
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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