i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
we should paint friendship bongs
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Randomize
