Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Randomize
