Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
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