Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
