Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
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