I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
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