she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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