No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Randomize
