Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
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