DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Randomize
