I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
