sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
Sorry about my life...
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize
