i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
I skipped work to stalk him.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
Randomize
