i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
