If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
Randomize