I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
