How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
i just google imaged poop.
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Randomize
