There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
