why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
