Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Randomize
