just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
